Just stop, Vangie.

Alright. That's it. I can't do this anymore. All I've been for the past couple of months is essentially this dude:

I have had those bright lights in my life. Those people who are just gigantic balls of positive energy that tell me to keep going, that things will get better. I am blessed to have people in my life like this. I just get kind of depressed during the spring. It has happened every year since 2007 and this year happens to be a lot easier than last year :D But as I laid in bed last night, I came to the conclusion that I've been an epic failure the last couple of months. I have no motivation. I skip my classes. I waste my days sleeping for several hours. I make excuses not to go out. I am SUPER broke and can't seem to find a job. Confidence is zero, creating a vicious cycle with all of the stuff mentioned above. It's taking a toll on my health too. My jaw is killing me from all the grinding I do at night. I am supposed to be playing The Game with my Zumba ladies, and I am glad I am because if I weren't, I probably wouldn't have the motivation to feed myself or exercise. I am still doing a lousy job of it, but it's better than nothing. AGH!!!!
Well anyway, I'm sick of feeling this way. Last night, I realized that I have a nightly ritual before bed. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, picking out every little thing wrong with me. I tell myself that I'm not cut out for the path I've laid out for myself. I look for alternatives to my future including leaving school to find a job, changing my major to something that wouldn't challenge me, quitting the lab. Just, no. I can't do that anymore. I'm not having it. I have to keep going. If I'd just count the number of positives in my life instead of the negative, I'm sure things would be better for me. Eh, that's all I have to say right now. Time to get my shit together.